


How Will I Know?

by youarefire



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: F/F, dribble drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-10-16 21:10:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17553272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youarefire/pseuds/youarefire
Summary: Oh it's you I know, you're the one I dream ofLook into my eyes, take me to the clouds aboveOh I lose control, can't seem to get enoughWhen I wake from dreamin', tell me is it really love





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Nursing this hangover with the feels,  
> enjoy<3

**_AUBREY_ **

_How will I know if you really love me?_

_I say a prayer with every heartbeat._

I don't know much about being in love, frankly, I don't really know much about intimacy. It's something I've tried to avoid, mainly because I don't like feeling vulnerable. I feel uncomfortable when people get too close to me.

Vulnerability.

Being vulnerable means being bare. It means opening yourself up to another person, giving them a glimpse into your mind, your heart, you dreams, your fears, your weaknesses. I don't know how to be intimate because that's not how my father raised me.

For as long as I can remember, life has always been about building. Building a pillar of success, building strength, gathering wisdom to help build a wall between your heart and your mind. Building up walls, fences, barricading and protecting yourself in such a way that makes you a force to be reckoned with. A facade.

How can you fail or how can others hurt you if no one can see past the walls you've worked so hard to put up? You control what others see, you don't let them in, and you're safer that way. You have more control over your emotions and your life is governed by your mind, not your heart. So you sail, not where the wind takes you, but where your conviction and your strength leads you.

That, that is how I've lived my life. 

Safe, protected, completely in control.

But then,

one look at Stacie sleeping next to me and my walls come crumbling down. 

The sound of her voice chips away at the walls I've built, brick by brick they come down. Whenever we touch it feels like a cannonball to the chest. She looks at me and she  _sees_ me. She looks at me and I'm not afraid. 

But it's moments like this, 

when we're laying together completely bare, tangled in each other's body,

it's moments like this, 

when I see her, all of her, completely unguarded and unaware of the world around her, 

it's in these moments... moments of intimacy, the sacredness of it all.

This.

This is what tears down my walls.

In the silence and the darkness of the night, the sound of her heart is the light that gets me through. 

I don't know much about being in love, but when it comes to Stacie Conrad...

I'm immersed in it.

 

****

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, wake me, I'm shaking, wish I had you near me now,  
> Said there's no mistaking, what I feel is really love

**STACIE**

_I SAY A PRAYER WITH EVERY HEARTBEAT_

_I FALL IN LOVE WHENEVER WE MEET_

Smart, beautiful, _independent._

These are the words people have used to describe me. A strong emphasis on the "independent" part, I'm particular proud of that part. And I have amazing people to thank for that. 

See, my mom had the typical rags to riches story. Her family was dirt poor but they somehow made it work. My grandparents instilled so much love and ambition into my mother as she was growing up. They encouraged her and pushed her in hopes of a better future for their daughter.

So my mom studied hard all throughout grade school, got a part time job to help out at home, she was captain of the volleyball team in high school, head of yearbook her junior and senior year, and joined a bunch of clubs for extra credit... while still maintaining a 4.0 gpa...

_Yeah,_

my mom was (and still is) a badass.

She eventually got into an ivy league university(full ride scholarship and all), where she met and fell in love with a very smart, very charismatic, and a very rich, young man. Their love was like a whirlwind. For the first time in her life, my mom felt like she didn't need to try so hard. For the first time in his life, my dad fell in love. Loving each other came so easily for them. 

They graduated. Got married. My dad went to grad school, then took over his father's business. My mom stayed home and was ready to build a life with the man she fell in love with. 

_But,_

Life took its toll on my father. He never found his rhythm as a family man, he was more concerned about his next million-dollar venture than raising a family. 

My mom wanted a husband who was more present. My dad wanted a wife who cared more about him bringing home the bacon than him actually _being_ home.

And so, my parents divorced.

_Yeah,_

that was really hard on three and a half year old me.

...

.....

I'm just kidding, it wasn't hard at all. In fact, I don't remember anything about the divorce. My parents have been divorced for as far back as I can remember.

I grew up with a mother who was super bitter towards romance and co-dependency, who taught me the importance of never needing anyone, ever- for self preservation purposes. And a father who showered me with money and gifts as motivation to pursue higher education so that I can "make something of myself."

I'm smart, beautiful, and independent. 

That, that is mantra I built my life on.

I don't need anyone or anything, and I belong to no one.

 

 

 

_But then,_

there's Aubrey. Aubrey and her blonde hair. Aubrey and her blue eyes.

Aubrey and her crazy beautiful smile, her intoxicating laugh, her voice, her hugs, her kisses,

her ability to be completely vulnerable yet be so rock solid

Aubrey and her totally uncool, quirky side.

She's feels like an adventure and she feels like home. I never want to be away from her because I can never get enough of her.

And it's in the most mundane of moments, moments when she's just sitting there wearing nothing but my over-sized gym shirt, reading a book, her glasses sitting low on the bridge of her nose, her brows slightly knotted in concentration..

it's moments like this that makes my heart realize that maybe my parents had it all wrong. 

Maybe we do need more than just success and self sufficiency.

Maybe we do need someone.

Someone to want, to hold. Someone to share a life with. 

Someone to love. Someone to belong to.

Maybe I do need someone, other than myself.

I am, and will always be, no one else's but my own,

but when it comes to Aubrey Posen I'm afraid,

I am irrevocably, inexplicably, and wholeheartedly _hers._

 

 

 


End file.
